Why Do I Have an Eating Disorder Without Childhood Trauma?

by Francie White MS, RD & Marlena Tanner, RD

            It has long been accepted that family dynamics such as abuse, neglect, triangulation, parentification and codependency contribute to the development of an eating disorder. But what about those people that develop eating disorders despite happy childhoods? In working with adolescents and adults suffering from anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorders, about half of our patients report having fairly loving parents and a home where enough was provided, without any abuse per se. Patients often feel guilty over having an eating disorder when they are aware of other patients with similar levels of illness that have a history of serious trauma. These patients sometimes feel as though they don’t “deserve” to have their eating disorder.  

            One might say that there are two “camps” of ED etiology. One half have discernable trauma; things that they can point to as reasons to need the escape of an ED, such as actively alcoholic parents, poverty, neglect, abuse of all kinds. The other half get disordered eating for good reasons (as we’ll see) but don’t know what those reasons are! In this regard, those patients have a more difficult time taking their symptoms seriously, and feeling guilty for having a problem. 

Here is Why… 

            To put it bluntly, our culture has gone mad. We are hardwired from years of life on planet Earth, to follow the natural signals of our well-designed physical bodies (“Earthsuits”), to use internal signals as guides regarding when and what to eat, where and how we moved, concerning ourselves with functionality of our bodies. We cared about what our bodies could do, versus how they looked. Consider that… for hundreds of thousands of years we never confronted a mirror, scale, body fat measurement or photograph. We had no reflected images and lived instead from our experience; our sensory body which feels the world around us. We were not designed to focus on our external perception of ourselves based on some reflection, picture or number on the scale. We didn’t have food labels or nutrition facts; yet another form of externalization that pulls us away from our internal sense of hunger and satiety.  

            In today’s times, our minds are overwhelmed with ways of measuring and qualifying. We exercise in a gym with calories computing and seconds ticking in front of us rather than feeling the wind, the ground, the water-- as we move through space. The bombardment of dieting myths and the endless images of what we are ideally supposed to look like and “be” like (photo-shopped images of body parts that simply don’t exist for 98% of us) program us to form belief systems of what is the “right” path and “healthy” way to exist in this world. We then construct our behaviors around these faulty belief systems as we attempt to fit this limiting cultural mold. 

OK, So Everyone Lives In This Culture…Why Am I Affected? 

            Families can buffer this cultural dilemma by being uninterested in weight, body fat, nutrition labels, gym workouts and diets. However if either parent or caregiver happens to be strongly focused on “health” habits, dieting, talks about their own or other people’s weight, talks about calories or cholesterol, grams of fat or about “good” and “bad” food on a regular basis, something interesting happens. Even though that parent means well, it turns out that parents unknowingly “concentrate” the cultures’ pre-occupation, infusing a neurotic externalized focus on what are supposed to be health habits but aren’t. It is like the insanity of the culture seems to get concentrated several fold into the child or teen. This “concentrated insanity” overexposes the younger person, right in the place we as humans seek mentoring. As children want to please their parents and teens become image conscious, they will take on the parents’ attitudes as truths and core belief structures, sometimes to the power of 10.  

Here are some examples of parental attitudes that can lead to disordered eating: 

If a parent diets, talks about dieting, talks about other people’s weight or complains about their weight, their partner’s weight. 

If parents, even once, comment about the child or teen’s weight—especially fathers to daughters. Parents often do so ‘out of concern’ for their child, but comments absolutely never have a positive or constructive outcome. They tend to increase the self critic in the child, and it is self criticism that drives disordered overeating and undereating! 

If either parent is intently focused on exercise in a way that relates to body image, or excessively talks about workouts, body fat, fitness and worse, tries to get the child/teen to exercise to reduce weight. 

If one parent tends to be critical of the other parent or another family member’s weight or overeating.  

            Peers can influence this relationship further. Studies show that when peers subscribe to the cultural ideal it becomes a major predictor of eating disorders amongst middle-school aged girls. But we can fight the negative impact of today’s culture by becoming activists for the internal Self--by focusing on verbal appreciations of what a child/teen/young adult great about (sense of humor, eventually does her chores, has fun style, or appreciates loud music!) This is one way in which we can actively help fight eating disorders.  

            As has we’ve said, within today’s “health”-obsessed culture an eating disorder can surface despite happy childhoods. It is enough just to live in today’s externalized world. The ED is often a calling back to our internal, true Self. We are not fated to follow the cultural pull to fitness, image or “health” focus for the rest of our lives. In fact, most of what is at the heart of growing up means growing away from programming and deciding over time what is true for you, what creates meaning, what makes life truly rich. Most of us have to de-program ourselves and start fresh, step by step with how we want to live.  

            What we teach in recovery is how to move our lives from the outside in, to the inside out! Little by little, instead of reading an article on how to eat, we learn to connect to intuition. Instead of following the ‘rules’ we integrated from somewhere on clothes sizes, workouts, “good” and “bad” foods—we decide what unique way we want to inhabit our “earthsuits” and live an authentic life. So, no matter what kind of younger life people have had, eating disorders, body image obsession & exercise disorders exist for a reason…a calling home to ourselves if we have the courage to break out of the cultural mold of today!